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beth writing 30 days without

FIC: Darkness (1/1)

Title:  Darkness
Author:  maddie_amber
Word Count:  456
Rating:   PG
Disclaimer:  Stargate: Atlantis and all its characters, etc. belong to MGM, but the plot belongs to me.
Spoilers:  None
Challenge:  Round One of the Last Fiction Writer Standing challengeon LJ - Write a story in which ONLY dialogue is used. No scene setters at all. Just pure dialogue. Not even ‘... Sheppard said’ or ‘... Rodney complained’. All must speak at least once.

 

Okay.  This is my first entry in the LFWS challenge.  And my first foray into the world of fiction on LJ.  I did tweak this story a bit in an effort to correct errors and accommodate criticisms of the original.  This is still not the strongest writing I've ever done, but an improvement.

 

 

Darkness

 

Darkness

By, maddie_amber

  

“Rodney!   Teyla…Ronan….!?  Report”

 “Sheppard.”

 “Rodney!  What’s your status?”

 “Dark…can’t breathe…closed space…I’m cut off…”

 “Rodney…don’t go claustrophobic on me.  Not now.   I need you to think.”

 “So close…”  

 “Rodney…”

 “Okay, breathing.  One…two…”

 “What’s your status?”

 “My legs are pinned.   Part of the roof collapsed.  I think the whole roof collapsed.  There’s no light…I can’t tell...”

 “Are you injured?”

 “I think my ankle might be broken.”

 “Can you dig out?”

 “Don’t know.  May have cracked a rib too.”

 “John?”

 “Teyla.  Are you anywhere near McKay.  Within visual range.”

 “No.  I seem to be cut off from all of you.  I’m in a very tiny space.  The air is not good.  I think we are lucky to have not lost communications.”

 “Are you injured?”

 “My arm.”

 “Has anyone heard from Ronon?”

 “I’m here, Sheppard.  I can move, but everything is black.”

 “We’re all in the dark.”

 “More than dark…my eyes.  I can’t see.”

 “All right.  We need to assess our options.”

 “We are cut off from each other by the rock fall.  I cannot tell how much stone separates us.”

 “That’s what I thought too, Teyla.”

 “John?”

 “What, Teyla?”

 “You do not sound good.  Are you injured?”

 “Aren’t we all?”

 “But you?”

 “Cut.   Some sharp metal.  Not serious.  Tired though.”

 “You are bleeding?”

 “Some…”

 “Oh, Crap!!”

 “McKay!  McKay...what’s happening?”

 “Crap.  I was wrong.  Now, the whole roof collapsed.  Every time I try to move more rubble comes down.  How incredibly stupid.”

 “We need to try to free ourselves.  You’re doing the right thing, McKay, you’re not stupid.”

 “Of course not me.  The Ancients.   They built this structure right on a major fault line.  San Andreas type fault.”

 “We’ll discuss that later.  We need to figure out how to get out.”

 “Or wait till Atlantis starts looking for us?  I said San Andreas.  As in extremely unstable.  God knows how many more aftershocks this structure can take.”

 “I do not think I will have enough air to wait.”

 “Okay, Teyla, we’ll figure it out.  We will…we will…”

 “John!?  How seriously are you bleeding?  John’

 “Holy, crap…the roof….”

 “Rodney?  Dr. McKay…are you still with us?  John….Rodney…Ronan?  Someone answer me.  All of you answer me.’

 “I’m here, Teyla.”

 “Ronon.  Oh, thank the Ancestors.  Did you feel the ground shaking?  What did Dr. McKay call it, an aftershock?”

 “Yes, it was strong.  I can still move.  I can dig even if I can’t see.  I will find a way to get to all of you.  Try to hold on.”

 “I am.  But, it’s getting harder to breathe.”

 “Stay with me, Teyla.”

 “I will try…They won’t answer…”

 “I know.”

 “I’m afraid.”

 “I will get you all out.”

 “I’m not afraid for me…I’m afraid…I’m afraid it’s too late.  John and Rodney may already be gone…”

 

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